I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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