Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
