he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
the liver wants what the liver wants
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
