I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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