just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
