im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
