All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
oh god was she eating orange peels again
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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