My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
