he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
