Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
