My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
