should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You are a genius and a whore.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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