its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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