hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
