i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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