I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
