oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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