Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
