just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
