Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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