New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
