My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
