I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
