Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
