I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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