I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
