I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Mom said you looked used
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My vagina is very pro this idea
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
