fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
