porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
