i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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