i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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