look no pants
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Randomize
