That's when you crack a 10am beer
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize