So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
