No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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