dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
