I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
