normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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