I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
