How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
