you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
