I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
