Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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