i would punch a child for taco bell
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
