We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
