somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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