Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
