I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
