I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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