Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
