How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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