How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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