i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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