I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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