Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
