Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
