guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
