i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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