Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
