you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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