Kiss
Puke
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
