I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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