Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
