does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
