Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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