woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
