You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
