when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
