Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
