so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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