we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
