I want to have your abortion
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
