You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
