i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
