my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
