Im at strip club and am horny
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize