I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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