Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
