i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
