giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
this will be a night to untag.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
