accomplished twins. life is a go
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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